Pieces of a Dream

My Dedication & Reflection on Robert Dixon II, My Station Manager from WHOV 88.1 FM at Hampton University

Originally Written: 9/19/2024, Never published before now.

Why do we often have to loose something before we truly understand the value of it?

Today I learned of the passing of a man who literally helped shape and transform the trajectory of my life.

We hadn’t spoken in over a decade.

Our exchanges were rare and far between.

I rummaged through old albums and plan to go through all my photo archives to find any evidence of our shared history.

I clicked “see our friendship” on Facebook and discovered year after year of his attempts to engage with birthday messages posted on my wall every year.

I never responded to one.

It was nothing personal.

I just haven’t taken the time to respond to any that are stand alone comments.

It took too much time.

I’d rather be living or enjoying the day in front of me, versus responding to every single well wish sent on my special day.

But today, now that he’s gone, I wish I’d responded to even just one.

I wish I had a direct and personal update on his world.

He knew a little about mine as he referred to me as “mom” in one of his birthday messages.

I knew a little about his because I’d looked at his Facebook page about a week ago and learned we both had two sons who are around the same ages.

I was happy to see him still loving his wife. Reading that he was up enjoying playing cars with his sons on a random morning made me happy but I didn’t engage with his post. I simply read it and thought, “I’m so happy for Rob.”

I should’ve told him.

The Story of Me & Rob

When I first arrived at Hampton University as freshman in September of 2003, I like most freshmen was eager to find my place on campus. What organizations would I join? Where did I want to engage? Who did I want to be associated with?

There were two things I went to college absolutely in love with…Jesus and Gospel Music.

In fact, I even decorated my side of my freshman dorm room with posters of gospel artists like Yolanda Adams, MaryMary, Kirk Franklin, Deitrick Haddon and Fred Hammond.

I even eventually had my roommate watching the Dorinda Clark-Cole “Rose of Gospel” DVD with me on the regular…ya girl was serious and proud.

My dream was to work in the gospel music industry in some capacity. Nothing specific, just anywhere I could plug in and advance the genre.

With this goal in mind, I narrowed my interests on campus to Gospel Choir and our campus radio station.

Both required auditions.

I eagerly and confidently signed up for both.

First up, gospel choir auditions.

I don’t remember much about the process other than I had a new friend who auditioned with me. We were dorm mates and still remain one of my closest friends from college.

Now, I’m the pastor’s kid who grew up singing in choirs and on praise teams my whole life. They gave us a list of songs to choose from or we could opt to choose our own. I confidently chose a song I’d been enjoying on repeat. It was acapella so I thought it’d be a great choice.

Knowing what I know now about much and choir auditions, it was an absolutely horrible song choice because of the technicality of it, but I was young and had never auditioned for a thing in my life before this.

I go in for the audition standing in front of upperclassmen and the choir director. I begin to sing, “everrry morning, when I wake, I thank Him for the breath, I freely taaaake.” The song is called “Thank Him” by Ted & Sheri. Now, anyone who knows their music, knows Ted & Shari are ELITE vocalists. I had no business whatsoever, trying to sing one of their songs in public. Terrible decision.

Long story short.

I didn’t make the choir.

My friend did.

After this rejection, I decided to audition for the radio station. I was a journalism major, the station was in my building, they had a gospel music block, lets be real, this was the better option for my goals anyway.

I went to college with a friend from high school. We I had the same love for Jesus and gospel music and we both decided to audition for the radio station.

The radio station audition was intense.
We read scripts and were interviewed by a panel of about six upperclassmen, two station employees from the community, along with the station manager.

I’d never interviewed for a job before so this was a bit intimidating.

They weren’t kind or grateful I’d shown up for the audition.

They didn’t smile.

They knew how unique and special of an opportunity it was to join their ranks and they protected that thing, ensuring that no one would make it through the doors to training without the dedication, diligence, and potential they were looking for.

You see, our campus radio station didn’t just play on campus. It wasn’t just the voice of Hampton University on Hampton’s campus, no our station was heard throughout the entire seven cities…from Virginia Beach to Portsmouth and beyond, all of the Tidewater area could tune into WHOV 88.1FM 24/7, 365. We never went off air and the whole area listened.

They were respected.

They were known.

They were a REAL radio station.

And they treated as such.

As I sat in the middle of the room in a solitary chair, facing they team sitting behind rectangular tables shaped like the letter “U,” I felt more nervous than I’d felt at the gospel choir audition. I didn’t know how to prepare for this one and I’d clearly failed at preparing properly for my first audition with the choir.

Rob sat front and center leading the charge as they each fired off their questions and judged my every answer.

Your fate of whether you made it into training, laid in the votes of the majority.

When I mentioned my love and affinity for gospel music, things got even more serious.

What I didn’t know at the time was gospel was Rob’s favorite genre and he took what played during the gospel hours very seriously.

I also didn’t know he’d built a gospel program that was so well respected that labels sent him their music directly without him even asking.

And I sure didn’t know these same labels made this station one of the stops when bringing artists to town for promotional tours and concerts.

Rob was even the host of The Gospel Express, WHOV’s daily gospel morning show from 6am-10am where he along with two student co-hosts, picked by Rob, shared the latest and greatest gospel hits, while also hitting hot topics and discussing all sorts of things pertaining to life as a Christian.

The Kandis of today would’ve know to do all this research BEFORE showing up for this audition.

The Kandis then was fresh out of high school, overly confident and hadn’t a clue how to prepare anything except breakfast…still my favorite meal of the day. Lol

Long story short.

My friend and I finish our audition and returned to our dorm feeling confident about our interviews.

It’d be a week or so later when they’d post on the door who was accepted into training.

To clarify the process, step one was the audition/interview, step two was training and training was intense. Training didn’t mean you made it, training meant you made it to the next round.

You’d still have to prove yourself and they over accept people into training knowing they were going to weed it down to the faithfully tried and true, few.

Since the radio station was in the same building as a few of my classes and located right near an exit door, my friend and I would walk past it, almost daily to see if they’d posted the list of those who’d been accepted to training.

Day after day…nothing, until finally! They posted!

We both went to look for our names.

I didn’t make the cut.

My friend did.

She attempted to comfort me through her own personal excitement. This didn’t feel like the rejection from the choir, this time, I was devestated. I immediately started thinking of ways to work around their process so I could just get in the door for training.

My friend kept me in the loop on her training schedule so I knew when training was starting. I decided my first course of action would be to show up and talk to Rob. Maybe he’d change his mind if I stopped by. Most people would probably just let it go if they didn’t get picked.

I went by his office a couple days before training and reintroduced myself asking if it were possible I start training because I really wanted to be a part.

He told me no.

A couple weeks go by, I’m still getting reports from my friend about how training is going. My desire to join the team wouldn’t let up. I wanted to be a part of this so bad.

I decided to go by Rob’s office again. Hoping this time his answer would be different. Maybe they’ve let too many people go or maybe he’ll think of something else I could do around the station.

I show up to talk to him and this time I broaden my options from “can I train?” To “can I do anything?”

His answer remained, no.

For my entire freshman year, I heard first hand reports from my friend on how things were going at the radio station as she finished training and moved on to the next phase of hosting an hour-long jazz block and then a 3-hr jazz block with her sights set on hosting a gospel show. She loved it and I knew I would too if I’d just had the chance to try.

I was struggling to find my place on campus and beginning to think college was delaying my progress in my desired field of the gospel music industry.

I can home on a break and begged my parents to let me drop out. I could do better if I just started working in my career. I didn’t need a college degree, I needed a network. I needed to get out in the real world and start meeting people and doing the work. I didn’t like college. I couldn’t find my place. I wanted to leave.

My parents told me no. I had to go back. I would adjust and I needed a degree.

I finished my freshman year and things were somewhat better but I still wasn’t in love with the place.

I decided to fast track this thing.

Since my parents were going to make me get this degree, I could at least do everything I could to get it faster.

I started college with 12hrs of college credit due to my high school’s college prep curriculum. So I was already a semester ahead. I decided to take summer classes and also test out of a class or two so I could finish even earlier.

That summer, I stayed on campus and it was slow and boring. Most students opted to leave for the summer so there was a very small portion of us who opted for summer school.

Since I had so much time on my hand, I decided to go by the radio station to see if Rob’s answer would change since it was summer now. Surely he needs help now! Ain’t nobody here!

I went by his office and introduced myself again. “I was wondering if it’s possible I could help during the summer since I’m here taking classes?”

He finally said yes!

From there, I received my own private training. I skipped the pressured, elimination-driven process all the other students had endured. I was trained and given a jazz show over the summer. I loved being there. Connecting with the three actual adults who worked at the station, Rob Dixon, Kevin “The Moose” Anderson, and Al Delk was life changing.

They taught me so much about the art of radio. They introduced me to jazz, which I knew nothing about. They schooled me on genres and artists I never knew existed like Pieces of a Dream, Eric Roberson, J.Dilla, Dwele…my world grew leaps and bounds because of their influence.

Throughout the summer Rob would test my taste and knowledge of gospel music. Seeing if I actually knew good music when I heard it. I think we agreed as much as we debated, but in the end, I earned his respect and trust.

After my summer of private training, gospel music debates, and jazz shows, Rob offered me a gospel slot when the school year started. It wasn’t his coveted morning gospel show (my friend got to join him for that one), but he did offer me the last block of the gospel format which was 10a-1p, right after his morning show.

I was hype!!

The Progression

Midway through the fall semester of my sophomore year, Rob offered me a director position. Not just any director position, the director position he was holding onto and doing himself because he loved the genre so much…he offered me the position of Gospel Music Director.

As Gospel Music Director, I would be responsible for determining what songs were put into rotation and how often they would play. I was also responsible to reporting these plays to the different labels and radio promotions personnel the label’s hired to get their artists played on radio.

This was my first real entry point into the career of my dreams! I was emailing and talking to people who would one day be my colleuges! They were starting to know my name and I was living the dream.

One of the people Rob brought into my life through the radio station is my big sister and Rob’s former classmate, fellow Hampton Alumn, Eboni Funderburk. Eboni does radio promotions for gospel artists and she brought some artists to town, they stopped by the station, I interviewed them on my show. Later that evening, they had a promotional event with press from around the city. WHOV had a table and Rob invited some of the Gospel Music staff to attended.

I asked Eboni every question I could think of that night and ended by asking her for her contact info. She gave me her card and I kept in touch, writing her a thank you note for taking the time to speak to me for so long at an event she organized. Over time Eboni and I formed a for real sisterhood, I even lived with her in Nashville a couple years after I graduated Hampton as I was trying to get my career going in the industry. Rob gave me a sister for life in Eboni.

By the end of my first semester sophmore year, the radio station became my home. If I wasn’t in class or in my dorm, I was there, whether it was gospel hours or not, I just loved it in there. I felt safe there. I belonged there. I’d found my tribe and I was on track with my dream of working in the gospel music industry.

All of us students felt it, each year as people graduated, if ever they were in town or came back from homecoming, everyone would always come by the station. And when I say “come by,” I don’t mean pop-in for quick hellos. Everyone would come back and stay awhile. We all felt at home there, largely because of the tone and atmosphere Rob set.

Now, let me be clear about Rob for a moment. Rob was not an affectionate, endearing, hospititable type Station Manager. Rob was loud! He was loud in his opinion, he was loud about his processes and he was loud about his standards. He would argue us down with passion and he would be so frustrated with us at times, but he kept letting us try. He would get onto us if we missed playing a paid spot (commercial) or didn’t play the legal id (required by law), but he always gave us another chance. It was safe because forgiveness always abounded. It was love because arguments and differing opinions were always welcomed. It was home because there was no pretense or “putting on” required. Everyone was and everyone could just “be” and that’s because Rob made it that way. It was healthy, collaborative, fun, safe and loud! Always loud :)

After being Gospel Music Director and an on-air personality for my sophomore through junior years, there was only one more level I could take to further my opportunity at the radio station…Student Director.

Student Director was the only paid position available for students and there was only one Student Director chosen every year. It was not an easy position to come by. The Student Director was the right hand to Rob, our Station Manager. They helped oversee the entire staff and programming. They led meetings and helped keep everyone in line and on top of things.

Autumn was the Student Director my sophomore and junior years and she ran the station like a boss. She and I grew to have our own bond and I looked up to her so much. She really started low-key grooming me for her role during my sophomore year, her junior year; and by her senior year (my junior year), she told me she was going to suggest me to Rob for the position.

The only way to get the role is to be picked by Rob and the Student Director after proving yourself. At the end of first semester junior year, Rob offered me the most desired student position at the radio station.

I was shocked. I was honored. I was conflicted.

While on one hand, the radio station was the thing I loved the most about my whole college experience, on the other hand, I’d positioned myself and I was on track to graduate early. I couldn’t accept the Student Director role and graduate early. It required a full year-long commitment.

Over Christmas Break I vacillated between my options of graduating early or accepting the position.

It was one of the hardest decisions I’d made up until that point.

I returned after break with a deadline to give them an answer because if I said “no,” they’d need to choose someone else and begin their training during the spring semester. Because I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to hold up the process, I declined the position.

To this day, 17 years later, declining that offer is my biggest regret from college.

I ended up deciding to stay for a full year my senior year, even though I barely needed enough credits to fill a full semester. I ended up being a part time student both semesters senior year and remained in my roles as Gospel Music Director and on-air personality.

Every now then Rob would comment or Autumn would hit me up expressing their disappointment in me not taking the role. I felt the disappointment myself, more than they knew.

HE’S GONE

The moment I learned Rob was gone, I immediately responded, “Noooo!!”

I had just looked at his Facebook page last week!

He was just here, playing with his boys. Mourning the loss of James Earl Jones and Tito Jackson.

Was this true?

I never told him how much he shaped me and my life.

I never gave him a proper thank you.

I never even considered how loosing him would feel.

I just thought I’d see him at the next homecoming I made it to, hopefully next year.

Now, I don’t even know if I want to go back.
Tears started rolling.

He was right there all these years and I never engaged.

Working alongside him and with my WHOV family is still one of the highlights of my life and I treated it all casually after graduating.

I went back from homecoming the year after I graduated, 2008, that’s the last time I saw Rob. We have a photo together from that time.

He let me back on air for a special alumni show.

I spent a lot of my time at the station during that visit back at my Home By the Sea.

WHOV was home.

Rob was eventually replaced with a new Station Manager. All the equipment and tools I was trained on was replaced with newer digital tech. The radio station was no longer the same format with all the varieties it once was…it became an entirely jazz station. I’m not sure what the format is today, but I do know what Rob shaped that station into was something special.

All of us who had the privilege of being a part of WHOV in those days have a special bond for life, no doubt. We don’t all talk regularly, but I know for sure not an ounce of love has been lost between us because of the time and space distancing us, I hope to find healing and sweet memories as we all start to reach out and find each other to share in this grief. I know I need them right now. I’m sure we all need each other.

Pray for Robert’s wife and sons, his closest friends and family, whose grief will forever far exceed ours.

I’m grateful for the deep, lasting imprint he left on my life. I’m grateful for the time he invested into me. I’m thankful for the challenges he set before me and for the opportunities he gave me.

Thank you so much, Rob.

I’m so sorry I never told you all of this while you were here.

My life is forever marked by your investment in me.

You discipled me and so many others.

Your life wasn’t wasted, by far.

Enjoy your reward.